According to a recent study Nike Air Max Tavas Por Mayor , 726,000 women who take the pill haven鈥檛 had sex. They must be 鈥淭wilight鈥欌€?fans. It鈥檚 hard to think of a more urgent reason than 鈥淏reaking Dawn鈥欌€?to keep your pants on and wash down another tablet with a bucket of Chubby Hubby. The movie is long and uniquely bad, the last of Stephenie Meyer鈥檚 four books greedily tortured into two installments. This, the fourth of five planned films, is the one we鈥檝e been waiting for, since it鈥檚 also the one Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) has been waiting for.


For three movies, she has been begging for a good defiling, and now, courtesy of morally tidy matrimony, she can abscond to a private island with Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), her undead vampire beau with the Valentino lighting, who, after holding back these feelings for so long, is ready, at last, to get it on. The movie devotes its eternal first quarter to a wedding and a honeymoon (things being what they are, a night of would-be Marvin Gaye mutates into a suite of mewling caf茅 rock) and the rest to the days after. It鈥檚 during this stretch that Bella鈥檚 anticipation and ravaging result in morning sickness and culminate in worse. The side-effect of hubby鈥檚 chubby comes as a surprise to all.


Download The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn 鈥?Part 1


But, really, when you鈥檝e spent your entire relationship trying to have sex with a nonhuman who won鈥檛 because the sex might kill you, it seems that pregnancy is perhaps the evening鈥檚 least shocking outcome. Yet with a speed heretofore possible only courtesy of the wizards of daytime television, Bella finds herself with child. Or something. Whatever鈥檚 happening inside her womb develops at lighting speed, is turning her into a breadstick, and inspires much debate about how to proceed. Indeed, that cologne you smell is the musk of allegory and the source of this movie鈥檚 considerable strangeness. The characters 鈥?a vampire family and the werewolves who hate them 鈥?stand around and debate everything from whether to abort what could be a scourge to whether the scourge is a fetus or a baby. The werewolves 鈥?including Jacob (Taylor Lautner), the spiteful alpha who loves Bella 鈥?then debate whether to kill Bella, who sits around and wastes away.


Dawn isn鈥檛 the only thing that gets broken in 鈥淭he Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn 鈥?Part I,鈥?the latest and best of the movies about a girl, her vampire and their impossible, ridiculously appealing 鈥?yes, I surrendered 鈥?love story. Marked by a canny mix of violence and chastity, the franchise has always had plenty of broken heads to go along with its pure thoughts, but here it also features a marital bed reduced to kindling after a rough night. If that doesn鈥檛 sound like the series that has kept millions of prepubescent viewers virtuously rapt, you鈥檙e right. But little Bella is all grown up now, and while Edward is still more zomboid than juicily predatory, this time not everything else on screen is dead too.


Download The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn 鈥?Part 1


With only four books in Stephenie Meyer鈥檚 chart-busting series (as opposed to the seven Harry Potters), the people behind the 鈥淭wilight鈥?movies can be forgiven for stretching out the screen experience for as long as possible. (鈥淏reaking Dawn鈥?2 hits next November.) And, after all, so much does happen in this movie, which takes the arc of human experience 鈥?birth and death and everything in between 鈥?and works it up into a rich, sudsy lather. In the past, Bella (played with increasing confidence by Kristen Stewart) has been almost eclipsed by Edward (Robert Pattinson), his bloodsucking brood and their battles. Here, though, she returns as the emotional and psychological cornerstone in a series in which the center of gravity has shifted from frenzied action and reaction to love.


The movie opens shortly before Bella and Edward鈥檚 wedding at his family digs 鈥?a luxe affair decked in white and foreshadowed by a nightmare steeped in red 鈥?which reunites many of the principals, with the exception of Jacob (Taylor Lautner), who鈥檚 off sulking, having lost his claim on Bella. Poor wolf never stood a chance; vampires aren鈥檛 just hot (and sometimes scorching, as on the HBO show 鈥淭rue Blood鈥?, they have, in recent years, also become the favorite go-to romantic male lead, the last, possibly sole defense against the nice-guy tide embodied by the Apatowesque freaks and geeks and their bromantic brethren. The vampire, in other words, is the only man (other than George Clooney) who can still sweep a woman off her feet 鈥?so what if he鈥檚 actually dead?


Being dead, in truth, gives the male vampire a great romantic advantage, because it allows him to engage in the kind of old-fashioned dash and derring-do 鈥?with one arm around the girl and the other smacking away foes 鈥?that might be laughed or scolded off the screen. (The age of the chivalrous superhero ended when Christopher Reeve hung up his Superman cape in 1987.) One of the complex pleasures of the 鈥淭wilight鈥?movies is the absolute sincerity with which they鈥檝e revived the unironic romantic male lead, an ideal that works (when the movies do, anyway) because it鈥檚 Bella who actively, even desperately, desires Edward. He鈥檚 her choice, not that of her parents or anyone else.


First came kissing, now comes marriage, a surprisingly rollicking honeymoon and, almost immediately, a horrendous pregnancy that the director Bill Condon makes so palpably disturbing that it might cause David Cronenberg, the master of body horror, to wince. Mr. Condon handles the little bit of action in 鈥淏reaking Dawn鈥?capably, but it鈥檚 his work with (and sometimes around) the actors and his ability to translate ideas visually that lifts this movie above the rest. When Bella first appears, she enters wobbling in uncharacteristic towering heels, an image that instantly suggests her unsteadiness before her wedding, and, as she moves toward the altar, Mr. Condon furthe

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